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/u/cryptomelons's posts in /r/monkeyspaw

I wish I could turn into a dog temporarily so I can hump people in public without getting arrested and beaten up

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I wish more women would use gloryholes

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I wish used panties flew to my head like hungry seagulls zeroing in on a McDonald's meal left unattended

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I wish women in video games didn't look like manly feminists I wouldn't even fuck in real life even if they were begging for my cock naked

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I wish that I don't end up on The Maury Show because an elephant thought I was one of ten men who might have impregnated her

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I wish everyone had consensual drunk sex

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I wish people were paid to eat fast food

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I wish Kentucky Fried Chicken tasted better than Korean fried chicken

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I wish I could fuck an angel doggystyle while she flies with her beautiful wings

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I wish Celine Dion could speak English properly

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