/u/loopymon's posts
[WP] Your uncle always tries to outdo himself with your birthday presents. When you turned 18, he hid your present at the end of a scavenger hunt. On the minus side, you’ve been following the clues for 12 years now, but on the plus side, you’ve discovered three new planets.
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[WP] It’s against the law to time travel back and kill someone before they do a horrible deed. It’s not against the law though to stop someone conceiving a child that will later become evil. After having a crowd follow you everywhere since puberty, you wonder how bad your future children really are.
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[WP] “Humans. We have no quarrel with you. The choice to live or die is yours. We seek only the trickster god N’armeth who is a fugitive of our kind. Present him and you can avoid this war.” The alien holds up a faded poster of Barney the Dinosaur.
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[WP] You’ve been slowly feeding your grandmother water from the fountain of youth for the last few months so that you can spend just a little bit more time with her. It doesn’t seem to be working though—with the amount she’s had, she should be several hundred years younger.
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[WP] As Death swings its scythe at you, you block and grab, wrenching the scythe from its arms. Death stops, smiles, says “No takesies backsies!” then turns and runs.
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[WP] It was surprisingly easy to deceive the Hero. All it took was for one of your henchman to tell him that the Princess was in another castle. Now he's roaming the countryside, taking out your competition.
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[WP] You police the multiverse. Over time, you’ve noticed there is only one constant in every reality—dot matrix printers. No matter how technologically advanced, every reality seems to use dot matrix printers. You mention this to your boss one day, who suddenly gets nervous.
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[WP] Earth narrowly defeats an attack from an alien race. During the peace negotiations, one alien asks “Why didn’t you use the death beams?” You look confused, so the alien points at a photo of the Egyptian pyramids and says again “Why didn’t you use the death beams?”
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[WP] The hero didn’t snap when the villain killed her family. She didn’t snap when the king forced her into exile and turned her friends against her. But the person in the line in front of her at the tavern has been deciding what to order for fifteen minutes now and all hell is about to break loose.
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