/u/loopymon's posts
[WP] “I’m sorry this is the last straw—you’re fired.” Your boss says. “Fine!” You exclaim. “Here’s my badge and gun!” You slam them on the desk but your boss looks confused. “What the fuck? Why do you need a gun and badge when you’re a waiter?”
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[WP] There’s an old saying that in every group of friends, there’s a dumb one. But you don’t believe it. I mean, you’ve been hanging out with these guys for months now, and they’re all really, really smart.
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[WP] When the alien first said your name you panicked and said jokingly “That’s my name, don’t wear it out!” You’ve since become good friends, but it still goes to great lengths to call you anything other than your real name.
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[WP] For Halloween, you decide to dress up as a crazy person wearing a tinfoil hat. However, once you place the hat on your head you hear a strange voice: “Finally, the gamma waves are gone! Now listen up, we don’t have much time!”
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[WP] After watching a karate movie, you apply for a job with a local ninja group. Unfortunately you sleep through your interview, but the ninjas assume you arrived and passed their tests flawlessly. They gave you a senior position and your own team, and today is your teams’ first assignment.
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[WP] The Gods selected one human at random and created the Apocalypse based on that human’s worst fears. The human they chose was a toddler though, so when the Apocalypse came it was just clowns, vacuum cleaners, and broccoli.
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[WP] “Well Death,” you say, “I never thought it would end this way. But it’s definitely in my top three, you know?” “It’s how I’d want to go.” Death agrees supportively.
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[WP] It turns out your apartment was so cheap to rent because one of the cupboards is actually a portal to the Underworld. It’s not dangerous, but the number of adventurers knocking at your door in the middle of the night looking to go through is starting to get annoying.
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[WP] They told you to shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you’ll land among the stars. Now you’re floating in a tiny capsule in the cold dark of space, wishing you had a better understanding of metaphors.
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