/u/oldhandnewmind's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

They say during sex you burn off the same calories as running eight miles.

385 upvotes

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What's the difference between horny an hungry? NSFW

321 upvotes

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I wonder if Joseph ever sat and thought, 'God made Adam from nothing more than the mud and dust.' NSFW

238 upvotes

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What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil? NSFW

229 upvotes

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She walked by with flaming red hair and I had to ask, 'do the cuffs match the collar?'

221 upvotes

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Mr Mouse is it true you only want a divorce due to a decline in her mental health.

214 upvotes

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At the hospital getting where my girlfriend is getting her ultrasound and the nurse ask if we're hoping for a boy or girl? NSFW

211 upvotes

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My friend died after he over-dosed on Viagra

183 upvotes

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For goodness sake nurse,

171 upvotes

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She said if I turned the light off I could stick it up her butt. NSFW

160 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
They say during sex you burn off the same calories as running eight miles.	385
What's the difference between horny an hungry? NSFW	321
I wonder if Joseph ever sat and thought, 'God made Adam from nothing more than the mud and dust.' NSFW	238
What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil? NSFW	229
She walked by with flaming red hair and I had to ask, 'do the cuffs match the collar?'	221
Mr Mouse is it true you only want a divorce due to a decline in her mental health.	214
At the hospital getting where my girlfriend is getting her ultrasound and the nurse ask if we're hoping for a boy or girl? NSFW	211
My friend died after he over-dosed on Viagra	183
For goodness sake nurse,	171
She said if I turned the light off I could stick it up her butt. NSFW	160