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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

I've heard it said "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

316 upvotes • [deleted]
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I picked up a flat stone with my right hand and threw the one I was already holding with my left.

316 upvotes • Salsal_Azar
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I bought a house and it didn’t cost me a dime.

315 upvotes • KrustyRustyDusty
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My son is not the smartest person in the world, and his favourite thing to do is spend hours staring at the television

314 upvotes • sugar-soad
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I've always found it strange that people who commit credit card fraud are charged.

313 upvotes • NoNoNotLikeThatAgain
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NSFW Why does it hurt when I masturbate? NSFW

313 upvotes • DarthLocutusOfB0rg
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“Siri, call 911!”

312 upvotes • mydadsnameisharold
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Despite her desperate screams, they pryed her legs open and forced her down.

312 upvotes • tacocat941
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Karen always had a soft spot for pretty men with big muscles.

312 upvotes • [deleted]
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I have no good jokes

311 upvotes • arkhamroyale
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