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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

My brother gave me a car!

271 upvotes • Intrepid_Wanderer
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I just got caught watching porn by my dad and it was so embarrassing.

271 upvotes • sgc0014
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I hate it when people ask me which bank did I go. NSFW

271 upvotes • Haileo2021
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I brought my grandmother to one of those fish spa places where the little fish eat your dead skin...

270 upvotes • ClutchingMyTinkle
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I thought it would be romantic to release birds at my best friend’s wedding

269 upvotes • KailTheDryad
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"Guardsman, why is there a giraffe in my prison?"

268 upvotes • IronMongerVi
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My lesbian neighbours gave me a watch one year as a present

268 upvotes • 29thattempt
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"I wanna eat some Coconuts" The man said.

267 upvotes • Cyborginox
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After years of searching for vampires, I finally had my chance to get physical evidence of their existence.

267 upvotes • Idiotum_Sandwichum
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What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

267 upvotes • fourtaco
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