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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

My college friend announced to me the he’s now a time traveller, but had a run-in with my mom.

294 upvotes • cindybubbles
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My son told me he will get a good job out of school

293 upvotes • JeromeTheFerret
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I see a hideous, unspeakable abomination before me...

292 upvotes • CKO1967
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I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg and I said, "I bet I know what your favorite holiday is."

292 upvotes • ClutchingMyTinkle
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I asked my doctor where I should put my pants before my rectal exam.

291 upvotes • MDan25
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What's the worst invest in 2020? Purchasing a planner for 2020.

291 upvotes • litty956
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If your dick is there, and my dick is here... NSFW

291 upvotes • Turbulent_Ad_2847
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Why do bears don't want to go to the taxi?

291 upvotes • insrt4
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"Honey i just ran over our donkey."

290 upvotes • El_Chromo
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Delorean for sale

290 upvotes • Thedepressionoftrees
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