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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

I left the bathroom and was immediately greeted by the sight of a very rotund middle-aged asian man waddling down the hallway toward me, breath coming in short gasps, eyes wide with horror as he furiously clenched his cheeks.

5 upvotes • [deleted]
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The house painter's new assistant comes back to the truck and the painter says "you finished painting the porch already?" Assistant says "yes and it's pronounced Porsche."

5 upvotes • GiantJawa
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Back to class I suppose...

5 upvotes • dankmemes102938
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I don't have a gag reflex

5 upvotes • Dashing_Steel
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I asked my friend if he wanted some fries.

5 upvotes • LeoLikesOreos_
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2020 is finally coming to a close.

5 upvotes • emzawemza05
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After losing my children, my husband leaving me and going to jail it hit me.

5 upvotes • blue_herring584
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Thanks to all the people who helped me win the "funeral joke" October contest.

5 upvotes • [deleted]
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My best friend asked me to have sex with him, just to see what it felt like. NSFW

5 upvotes • GrimmRetails
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Someone once said I looked "like a dog".

5 upvotes • TimeLuckBug
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