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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

Why did the music writer got a F on their sheet music?

220 upvotes • insrt4
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"But mum, I don't want to go to America."

218 upvotes • K1ngKole
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God replied when I asked why there are two sexes.

218 upvotes • HunterSDeadguy
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I pulled open the shower curtain and saw the masked man with the rusty knife in his hand.

218 upvotes • mydadsnameisharold
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At the Victorian reenactment, I reminded my socially awkward son to greet people by looking them in the eye and shaking hands

218 upvotes • KailTheDryad
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The wounded captain stared up at me as he tried on his new Eyepatch. Why did you gouge it out?? I said

217 upvotes • [deleted]
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It takes 5 minutes to walk to the liquor store, but 30 minutes to get back.

216 upvotes • Keithyourlocalpsycho
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After the neighbours complained, we found a nice quiet place to shoot our amateur film. NSFW

215 upvotes • cindybubbles
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Sometimes I tell dad jokes,

215 upvotes • [deleted]
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Mr Mouse is it true you only want a divorce due to a decline in her mental health.

214 upvotes • oldhandnewmind
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