/u/Ray_Dillinger's posts
[WP] My compact with the guys who summoned me says I can't go back to Hell 'til you're dead. Joke's on them. Best Damn thing about Hell is staying the Hell out, amirite? So stop screaming, get up, and clean out your pants. I'm your new best friend whether you want one or not.
Mark as read: Add to a list
[WP] At the top of the hill a huge lightning bolt hit him. It burned off half his hair, scorched his coat, blew a boot off, and threw him twenty feet. He got up, dazed, and hunted around for his boot. Then raised both his middle fingers, yelled "you bastard!" at the sky and started walking again.
Mark as read: Add to a list
[WP] You've been snapping photos of the trick-or-treaters all evening. But one of the photos just has your front yard. That was after the witch and before the kid dressed as batman. If you remember right, that photo that ought to have had a vampire and a ghost. Unless those weren't costumes.
Mark as read: Add to a list
[WP] Earth was discovered by a crime syndicate centuries ago. So humans have been abducted and trafficked, and we had the sex tourists with anal probes, and pranksters doing stunts, etc. ever since. But last year we were officially discovered. By their government. Diplomacy will be awkward.
Mark as read: Add to a list
[WP] They say we saved the world. We know better. We want to, sure, and we're doing our best, but the world won't stay saved. Another few years, another screaming maniac, another stupid plot, and somebody's going to have to save it again. And again. And again. Sooner or later it won't work.
Mark as read: Add to a list
[WP] Did you ever consider why God wants us to keep our souls pure? What if it's the same reason we want to keep our own livestock healthy and uncontaminated? What if God saves but it's only because He knows He'll get hungry later?
Mark as read: Add to a list
Mark as read: Add to a list
[WP] Sure, they're on opposite sides, but it turns out Charon and St. Peter have a lot in common. In emergencies they've got each other's back. And as much as he likes playing fetch, Cerberus doesn't really care that much who's throwing the stick.
Mark as read: Add to a list
[WP] "Well, you're right that these big spikes on the meter explain what's wrong with your TV. But it isn't what you think. See, this here is a spectral analyzer, not a spectrum analyzer. And it looks like you've got a doozy of a specter over there."
Mark as read: Add to a list