/u/SpuriousPultroon's posts in /r/TwoSentenceHorror

Year:

Only show posts with narrations

I like reading my victims' browser history, as it grants me insight into their final thoughts before death.

6774 upvotes

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Just as I realized my toothpaste had been switched out, my son ran in and proclaimed "Apwil Fools dad, I pwanked you!"

4822 upvotes

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As I switched my weapon from SAFE to SEMI, I ran out from behind a Jeep and opened fire on the enemy.

1227 upvotes

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When I found the Death Note, I thought I knew just whose name to write...

246 upvotes

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I awoke today from a coma with no memory of what happened, but the doctors say I shot myself in the head.

174 upvotes

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He gripped at me with his crabby claws, and seethed through his mandibles "I will keep you alive for days just to suffer."

145 upvotes

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Mainland China reports a <25% mortality rate for the Coronavirus.

128 upvotes

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"Oh god, fuck me," I said as lightning and thunder continued to strike outside.

115 upvotes

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I thought coming home from the war would be a relief, but these liberal peaceniks have no goddamned respect.

105 upvotes

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The elder gods were horrifying Eldritch abominations that had been absent for thousands of years.

79 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I like reading my victims' browser history, as it grants me insight into their final thoughts before death.	6774
Just as I realized my toothpaste had been switched out, my son ran in and proclaimed "Apwil Fools dad, I pwanked you!"	4822
As I switched my weapon from SAFE to SEMI, I ran out from behind a Jeep and opened fire on the enemy.	1227
When I found the Death Note, I thought I knew just whose name to write...	246
I awoke today from a coma with no memory of what happened, but the doctors say I shot myself in the head.	174
He gripped at me with his crabby claws, and seethed through his mandibles "I will keep you alive for days just to suffer."	145
Mainland China reports a <25% mortality rate for the Coronavirus.	128
"Oh god, fuck me," I said as lightning and thunder continued to strike outside.	115
I thought coming home from the war would be a relief, but these liberal peaceniks have no goddamned respect.	105
The elder gods were horrifying Eldritch abominations that had been absent for thousands of years.	79