/u/cindybubbles's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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When my wife suggested that I put my mother in a nursing home, I balked.

119 upvotes

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I had to quit my job at the paper mill today.

118 upvotes

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Chairs were thrown, tears were shed, windows were shattered and spells and curses were flung left and right.

116 upvotes

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I called up the priest and asked him to reverse his exorcism.

116 upvotes

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I was lactose intolerant as a child and allergic to gluten as a teen.

111 upvotes

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I beat my wife every day.

107 upvotes

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"Kids, it's dinner time!" my mom called out to us.

103 upvotes

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Polly’s stink caused a 6-car pileup while heading to the morgue, her heavy casket flipped over and crushed three pallbearers, and three men threw out their backs while digging her grave.

102 upvotes

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Last night, I found a peanut that was rotten, ate it anyway and got sick.

100 upvotes

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The Joker sold his Harley.

97 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
When my wife suggested that I put my mother in a nursing home, I balked.	119
I had to quit my job at the paper mill today.	118
Chairs were thrown, tears were shed, windows were shattered and spells and curses were flung left and right.	116
I called up the priest and asked him to reverse his exorcism.	116
I was lactose intolerant as a child and allergic to gluten as a teen.	111
I beat my wife every day.	107
"Kids, it's dinner time!" my mom called out to us.	103
Polly’s stink caused a 6-car pileup while heading to the morgue, her heavy casket flipped over and crushed three pallbearers, and three men threw out their backs while digging her grave.	102
Last night, I found a peanut that was rotten, ate it anyway and got sick.	100
The Joker sold his Harley.	97