/u/cindybubbles's posts in /r/TwoSentenceComedy

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I sawed my assistants in half.

91 upvotes

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I asked my mom, "Mom, how many years have you and Dad been married?"

86 upvotes

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I got an F flat minor.

83 upvotes

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“Gina?” I asked, expecting to see my wife’s twin sister in bed, not my wife.

78 upvotes

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The one good thing that my Mother-In-Law gave me is a pair of wireless earbuds.

76 upvotes

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My dad went out to buy cigarettes and didn’t return for 10 years.

76 upvotes

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I don’t think my son has it in him to be a good criminal.

75 upvotes

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My parents sent me to “reverse boot camp”.

70 upvotes

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I nearly caused another stock market crash.

67 upvotes

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That new movie I just saw had some of the darkest scenes ever.

65 upvotes

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Title	Upvotes	Mark as read	Favorited	Rating	Add to a list
I sawed my assistants in half.	91
I asked my mom, "Mom, how many years have you and Dad been married?"	86
I got an F flat minor.	83
“Gina?” I asked, expecting to see my wife’s twin sister in bed, not my wife.	78
The one good thing that my Mother-In-Law gave me is a pair of wireless earbuds.	76
My dad went out to buy cigarettes and didn’t return for 10 years.	76
I don’t think my son has it in him to be a good criminal.	75
My parents sent me to “reverse boot camp”.	70
I nearly caused another stock market crash.	67
That new movie I just saw had some of the darkest scenes ever.	65