/u/loopymon's posts
[WP] Onions are magical creatures that can make humans feel emotion—when we hurt them, they make us cry, when we please them, they make us happy. You decide to teach one.
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[WP] “Are you saying that vegetables only exist to…” You begin, incredulous. God nods. “But that means…” God smiles sadly. “Exactly.”
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[WP] Attila went to bed in his New York apartment, but when he woke he was in 5th century Romania. Confused, he confronted a local peasant. “I don’t understand what’s happening,” he said, “but I could really use a coffee.” The peasant stared at him. “Milord, begging your pardon, but… what’s coffee?”
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[WP] As the youngest demon, it’s your job to get Satan a birthday present. You got him 666 puppies to eat as a snack, but instead he fell in love with them and adopted the lot.
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[WP] Despite the "sexy vampire" stereotype pushed by the media, humans now understand the vampire virus can only be transmitted to virgins. Your parents turning into vampires was one awkward way to simultaneously learn about their abstinence, and your adoption.
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[WP] One day, you receive an electric shock from your vacuum cleaner. A few days later, after the full moon, you wake up on the floor of your apartment without remembering the night before. As you look around at the clean carpet, you realise with a shock—you’ve become a were-Roomba.
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[WP] In the afterlife, your job is to select which souls return to Earth as a ghosts. There’s only one rule—never return a soul that seeks revenge. Your partner from Earth dies, and their soul tells you that your child has been kidnapped on Earth. Your partner begs you to let them return.
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[WP] You can create portals between any two locations, but once created you can’t close them. Creating a portal to the beach from your lounge room sounded like a good idea at the time, but now your house keeps filling up with seagulls.
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[WP] “You might want to sit down for this,” the doctor began. “I’ve looked over your case and the warning signs are all there: elevated testosterone levels, a high protein diet, and the tendency to run barefoot on roads. I’m sorry Mr Flintstone but it appears you’ve caught the CrossFit virus.”
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