/u/loopymon's posts
[WP] You are the first human to invent a shrink ray. The only problem is that it doesn’t work on physical objects, it can only shrink emotions—which gives you a handy method to boost someone’s confidence, by shrinking their fear.
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[WP] It’s a common misconception that wizards avoid transfiguration because it’s difficult. That’s not true—quite the opposite in fact. Transfiguration is easy, it’s just that some of the spells involve situations that are rather… embarrassing.
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[WP] You invent time travel and start travelling through history, but everywhere you go, you see John Malkovich—whether driving a horse and carriage, forging samurai swords, or sailing a ship, he’s there. He usually runs away, but today in the 15th century Caribbean, you finally catch up to him.
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[WP] Scientific knowledge has progressed until everything is known, making the future entirely deterministic. But you have something that messes with the simulations—free will. And that makes you dangerous.
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[WP] The Army sleeps under the stars and the Navy by navigates by the stars. You, a proper Air Force officer, choose your hotel by the number of stars.
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[WP] One day you clone yourself to get out of going to work. The next day, your clone clones themselves to get out of going to work. A couple of weeks later, it takes you 20 minutes to get through the line to the bathroom but at least you have enough clones to create a professional sporting team.
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[WP] “What do you have to say for yourself?” Your mother asks sternly. You try to respond, but nothing comes out. Confused, you look around and notice the cat trying to sneak out of the room, holding your tongue in its mouth.
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[WP] The sound of typewriters is interrupted by by a loud voice. “Oh my God! I’ve done it!” The room goes silent as one hundred heads turn toward the speaker. “I’ve found a use for decaf coffee!” The speaker exclaims triumphantly.
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[WP] The sun rises over the battlefield, orange light covering the fallen like a gentle caress from the heavens. The lone survivor walks slowly towards the fortress and the final battle. With determination on his face, he murmurs gently to himself. “This is why you don’t hassle The Hoff.”
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