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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

I used to get asked all the time "Why don't you drink", so I came up with a response to answer them that was less boring.

134 upvotes • CL4R101
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Detective Jones walked into the house to find bodies littered everywhere.

133 upvotes • CKO1967
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My dream girl winked at me and gave me a sly smile in class today i almost had a heart attack.

133 upvotes • pantheonslayer
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I don't really enjoy cocaine.

133 upvotes • ElEscritorAnonimo
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When i go, I want to go peacefully in my sleep just like my dad. Unlike the passengers on the bus he was driving.

133 upvotes • Successful_Income341
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My roommate asked me what my takeaway from the lecture was.

133 upvotes • NoWingedHussarsToday
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Sonic the Hedgehog stays fit with this simple trick!

133 upvotes • PowerRaptor
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They wanted to boot me from the lobby after I spent the last 30 minutes spawn killing.

132 upvotes • IOughtToBeThrownAway
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I threw a boomerang 20 years ago.

132 upvotes • CackleCore
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I was once attacked by a group of angry mimes.

132 upvotes • chaoswaltz18
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