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/r/TwoSentenceComedy

As a corrections officer, I deal with some of the nastiest, meanest people on Earth...

11 upvotes • CKO1967
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Hanging oneself are for cowards.

11 upvotes • amnSor
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I'll tell you what's funny

11 upvotes • DizzlesDJ
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I recently discovered that I have an unexpected superpower: I can enter any coffee shop and set off the hipster alarm.

11 upvotes • deletedbyredditadmin
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I walked towards Santa's dead body and wore his clothes.

11 upvotes • intodadepths333
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It takes two to make a baby.

11 upvotes • ThisisitRoyal
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I'm albino and very thick. NSFW

11 upvotes • StillSTRETCHIN
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Since Reddit is anonymous, I feel comfortable telling you this.

11 upvotes • shakeythirsty
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My girlfriend fidgets a lot and has a habit of digging her nails into snack foods.

11 upvotes • GuyAwks
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They never found the Micheal Jackson Killer, who would base his murders on the King of Pop's songs.

11 upvotes • IronMongerVi
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